Peter is an idiot.

Or: This thing with eBay classifieds

O.K., I admit to it:
I am a “pack rat” or, in other words: “a hunter and gatherer”.

And so it’s inevitable that I have to part with things more or less regularly – because the living area, basement and garage are of static size and have clearly defined boundaries.

And since I would also like to live as sustainable as possible, I also like to buy things “with experience” – used stuff. Here I generally find what I am looking for on eBay classifieds nearby, and from time to time it results in nice aquaintences with people having similar life principles.

As a buyer, I look through the offers and use the ratings given for the seller as a guide – this works in similar fashion to the Google star system – I will not even contact people rated at anything less than “TOP Satisfaction”. Past experience have shown that bad ratings – almost without exception – are synonymous with turkeys and idiots. But I am allowed to filter.

As a seller, things are somewhat different.

My ads on eBay classifieds are also available to these morons and so these daddlers and trolls sit in front of their small screens and respond to my very detailed ads, typing crap like:
“30”, “I giv u 20 and pic up” “Hello, please pick up € 50 immediately within 20 minutes”.

There is also an occasional “hello good morning”. Friendly – but I’m not really looking for any pen pals.

Some believe that they have discovered a delivery service and ask when I will bring the stuff over.

Or the trolls who have nothing better to do, to advertise their twisted reality as fact and to text me with their “wisdom” in smartass mode.

All of this happens because these dimwits can’t or won’t read. I dedicate half of the ad (below) in the “IMPORTANT” section to the statement “Fixed price” and that I don’t want to be contacted by them if their eBay ratings are not better than “OK ” or “SO SO”.

If you can’t form complete sentences and use common, polite phrases, please see the local flea market. Inquiries / statements like “I giv u 20 and pic up” go directly to the bin. I don’t need swap offers for carpets, cell phones and game consoles either.

The usernames of these experts are mixed: “Nnanna”, “Jule”, “Mike”, “Wahab”, “Mustafa”, “Alex”, “hamza”, “Salva”, “Aliko” and also “Peter”.
As a rule, however, the following seems to apply: the more colorful and shorter the username, the more hollow the individual. And excess lengths usually identify the smartasses.

I use a (paid!) sales app on the PC, and so I have text modules for replies and also provide answers to inquiries with details on contact, payment options or shipping. That saves a lot of work.

Unfortunately, eBay classifieds doesn’t make life easier with these spammers. My response rate and response time are also measured there and if I have more than 2 dialogues back and forth, we can evaluate each other. So the doughheads receive a corresponding text module answer and are then blocked immediately. I can only advise anyone with similar experiences to do likewise.

Another tip: If you are serious and legitimate, you also give your phone number on a nice request for the purpose of contact. If that doesn’t work – stay away from the candidate.

Unfortunately, markt.de and Quoka are little different. Well, Quoka is even worse.
Who still remembers the great classifieds section in the daily (paper) press?

Dear eBay Classifieds Team:

It would be really helpful if I could qualify my potential clientele in advance and people with shitty reviews couldn’t get through to me in the first place.
And I have a feeling that many others feel the same way …

I can dream, can’t I?